Chapter II · September 17, 2026
The Conquest of Everything, Obviously
Historians will debate the exact moment the household fell. Some say it was when the armchair was formally annexed. Others point to the afternoon the good throw blanket was occupied for eleven consecutive days without challenge. What is beyond dispute is that by Tuesday, the territory was complete, the borders were closed, and the resident humans had been reassigned to support roles.
Milo’s Wisdom
“Conquest is merely reorganisation conducted with sufficient confidence.”
Royal Fact Check
Napoleon Bonaparte stood approximately five feet six inches tall, which was quite average for a Frenchman of his era — a fact that did not stop him from annexing most of a continent, a lesson His Royal Fluffiness finds deeply instructive.